Fateful Childhood Night
by Hysteric Polaris
Summary: There wasn't a day in his life after he resurrected her as a monster that he didn't ask himself, 'What have I done' [spoilers] R


"Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" Jade commented. He had become accustomed to frequent visits from his late professor in his dreams ever since that fateful childhood night, but tonight, seeing her in her original form was much more welcomed than usual.

Nebilim chuckled, "My my Jade, you almost sound enamored with me." Of course he knew she was just joking around, so Jade simply shrugged his arms and did what he did best; spoke truthfully.

"Enamored isn't the correct word... To be enamored means to be in love with another romantically, and while you are an undeniably attractive female," Nebilim smiled smugly and blushed slightly at the compliment, "you are also deceased, and I am merely your respectful former student." He bowed slightly to demonstrate his comment's utmost respect and folded his arms, "You cannot doubt that we've known each other more than long enough; any normal human being would develop the same connection."

"Former?" Nebilim almost felt hurt at the word he had so casually blurted out earlier and put a finger to her chin in thought. "Are you not still my student? Do you not still learn from me?"

Jade took a moment to think about a retort to her statement, tilted his head downward, and grinned at his inability to counter her argument, "Touch?" She was as sharp as ever. "So, what is it that you wanted to discuss this time?"

Nebilim shook her head and grinned back, "This is your dream, Jade. I believe you are the one who has something to discuss." Jade was cleverly countered again but did not retain his grin. He knew her words to be true.

Jade found the ball difficult to get rolling and groped for a catalyst topic. "You know, Professor," he peered over the rims of his glasses and down into her eyes, "you always seemed so much taller back then."

Nebilim pretended to be offended. "Are you attempting to insult me or compliment me by saying that I'm petite?"

Jade held up his hands defensively, wishing to completely avoid this typically feminine line of fire. "I'm simply stating a fact based on past observations."

Nebilim's face turned serious. "You never were one to live in the past, Jade Balfour." That statement in itself was contradictory coming from her. Her making that statement in his dream despite the fact that she died decades ago was proof enough that he did live in the past, yet by the same token, her usage of his original family name was sufficient proof that he wanted nothing more than to leave that past behind. Jade was a Balfour no longer and that change couldn't be reversed.

She was trying to guide the conversation so that he divulged his problem and he realized that. As much as his masculine side desired to take that as a challenge, Jade was always a logical person first, and not only realized that this was a dream, but also knew that prolonging it or arguing with her would serve no beneficial purpose except empty self-satisfaction through machoism.

"...I've had recurring dreams of that incident since the night it took place. They were always riddled with guilt and self-loathing. I was always the monster that cut your life short. Tonight, our roles were reversed." In an attempt to lighten the mood, he cracked a minor joke, "I do hope that you don't take offense to the fact that I finally did away with your replica though."

Nebilim smiled softly, trying not to interrupt him for too long. "Not at all. That's not something I would take offense to because it's not an accurate reflection on your thoughts and feelings toward me. She wasn't actually me, after all. She was a murderous, wanted criminal and her intentions were impure. Hopefully, now you and Saphir will be able to move on. It's been far too long now."

"Saphir, hmm," Jade donned a confused visage, "the name doesn't appear to be ringing any bells."

Nebilim didn't want to become difficult, but Jade was being immature. "You need to put this foolishness behind you! I'm gone now, and if that's what's keeping you two from being friends again, then help him to understand what you understand; help him to finally come to terms with my death."

"I was never friends with Dist to my recollection. That narcissistic fool just always envied and admired my fonic arte abilities--"

"And you envied his fontech abilities. Which is why you worked together--"

"I worked together with him because the need arose!" Jade was truly frustrated now. "The only people I ever envied were Seventh Fonists!" Jade rarely lost his cool, but when he did, it was always frightening.

There was an uncomfortable silence. He was painfully aware that said envy was what drove him to perform the fonic arte that killed her. Jade had almost lost control for a second; his right hand beginning to shake slightly. But after taking a deep breath, he apologized to her quietly for his abrupt rudeness.

"Not all of your story is untrue however," Jade began to pace around Nebilim; her eyes followed him. "You are just my own imagination speaking to me, after all. Therefore, because we are one in the same, who would know me and my desires better than you?" Nebilim grinned. He stopped and closed his eyes.

"Maybe there was a time that Saphir and I were more than just lab partners. Maybe there was a time that I envied the abilities of others and egotistically longed to be more than I was. And maybe there was a time when I couldn't choose between your life and mine."

Nebilim realized that his last statement was referring to his fomicry attempt on her dying body all those years ago. Jade had felt so guilty for the murder that the only resulting options he considered were living with her replica or dying. There was no living with the guilt or without her in his mind, even if Saphir had never come to request his aid in replicating her in the first place. It was that fateful decision that he made all those years ago wherein he refused to choose anything but a cowardly path that led the entire world astray, even from Yulia, Lorelei, and the Score. There wasn't a day in his life after he resurrected Nebilim as a monster that he didn't ask himself, 'What have I done...?'

"But please," he continued. Nebilim was abruptly pulled back into the conversation at hand from her lethargic thoughts. Jade was standing with his back to her a few paces ahead. "Spare me at least some of my dignity." He routinely adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose with his middle finger. "I do have an image to uphold." 


End file.
